Cows galore!

by Art Harun
Sept 4

The contents of my stomach flew out of my mouth onto the floor after reading Minister Datuk Seri Hishamuddin Hussein’s apparent defense of the cow-head demonstrators yesterday. Before I had finished wiping it, I was hit by another nausea inducing curve ball in the form of Datuk Mukhriz Mahathir’s statement supporting Hishamuddin’s.

Apparently now an offence should not be prosecuted if such prosecution might cause “further unrest”. Yes folk. It is the fasting month. Quite obviously, to certain Muslims, when food and drink are not consumed, blood circulation would be affected thus preventing the supply of oxygen to the brain. The result is calamitous. And not to mention rambunctiously funny.

Mukhriz must remember that when his father, Tun Mahathir Mohamad charged Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim for a cooked-up offence circa 1997-98, 100,000 people came out on the street. What do you call that? Peace and tranquillity?

People resting? Or was that “unrest”? So, please answer this. Since when has an offence not become prosecutable for fear of an unrest? No wonder that guy from Penang who called the Chinese and Indians “pendatang” was not charged. That would have caused unrest too, huh? I think I should speed up my invention of a talk cock eater.

As events would have it, while I was spraying Febreeze on my carpet — to clean out yet another puke after that statement — my stomach churned again.

This time from Minister Hishamuddin’s statement that those responsible for the cow-head demonstration should be charged in Court. I then felt faint. Everything went black. My head was spinning. I blacked out. Apparently I suffer from U-turn phobia.

Speaking of U-turns, guys and gals, you all would remember Minister Rais Yatim’s internet filter debacle. One minute he wanted to filter the internet and was driving 200 mph in his Proton Perdana to Filterville.

The next minute he made a U-turn, Of course, to the delight of all and sundry. Not after the whole world had read about the earlier decision though. The World – 1, Malaysia – 0.

Then His Royal Excellent I-have-changed-my-mode Minister announced that the Black Eyed Peas concert in Malaysia was only allowed for non-Muslims. Again, Minister Ng Yen Yen of the Tourism Ministry was so thankful for the wholly free publicity that Malaysia was having world wide. It looked like Ambassador Todt would be out of job soon, if our Government continues at this rate. The World – 2, Malaysia – 0.

Of course, a couple of days later, when the anger caused by the first announcement had barely subsided, the decision on the BEP concert was reversed. Now Muslims can go. I thought the news page I was reading did not upload completely. Because I was dead sure there must be a catch right? Like Muslims can go but shall be confined to a male and female-only areas on the roof of the stage or something. And they shall not dance. And Fergie must wear only batik baju kurung with a slit of not more than 2 inches in length. But no, there weren’t such limitations. Phew…. Anyway, by this time, the World led by 3 to Malaysia 0.

Apparently this is getting to be some sort of a tradition. This U-turning aka flip-flopping like some penguins walking on ice while wearing diving foot wear. Flip, flip. Flop. Like that. Flip, flip, flip. Flop. You get what I mean.

Before this, of course when Teoh Beng Hock was found dead at MACC’s office, our DPM quickly said there will be no Royal Commission. About three days later, a Royal Commission was duly established. The World – 4, Malaysia – 0.

Before that there was the issue of teaching Maths and Science in Bahasa Melayu aka Bahasa Kebangsaan aka Bahasa Malaysia aka Bahasa Baku and back to Bahasa Melayu. Flip and then flop. U-turn.

Ahah. Now His Excellent Minister Refined Rais is thinking of imposing conditions on ASTRO, contrary to the license being granted to Astro all these while. OSK has warned that this might have a negative impact on foreign direct investment.

Of course it will. Who in his or her right mind would want to come and invest in Malaysia if the parameters within which his or her business is to be carried out cannot be ascertained with certainty? The World – 5, Malaysia – 0.

But the one which stole the thunder form everything else was His Excellent former Minister -We-Have-Erections-Once-Every-Five-Years Zainuddin Mydin. Singapore was “sacked” from Malaysia because of Lee Kuan Yew’s Chinese-centric mantra. As if now, all Chinese Malaysians who are perceivably critical of the Government could be herded onto an island — ala the stray dogs in whatever pulau recently — and left to become cannibals out of hunger.

Of course, he had to leave the best for last. Yes. Singapore apparently has a third world democracy with a developed world mentality. Malaysia on the other hand has developed world democracy but a third world mentality. Mr Ex Minister, a democracy, unlike sex, does not have many positions or level. Either you have it or not. You do not have a doggie style democracy, a reverse cow gal democracy or whatever. Just plain democracy.

As for third world mentality, well, you can add Mad Cow disease to that as well. But it is not common among all Malaysians mind you. It only afflicts some people. They know who they are. The World 6, Malaysia 0.

Then, yesterday, TLDM received its first ever, ever, ever submarine.

The World 6. 1 Malaysia.


  1. #1 by mendela on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 10:02 am

    Musang got extended for another year!

    World 7 — Malaysia 1

  2. #2 by thaiming on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 10:22 am

    That’s MALAYSIA BOLEH !!!

  3. #3 by Taxidriver on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 10:33 am

    Whenever I visit a foreign country I make sure my PASPORT is not seen by other people. So very embarrassing to be Malaysian.

  4. #4 by OrangRojak on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 10:39 am

    “Whip her!” “No.. wait.”

    “What did we do in the old days?” “You can’t do that to a cow!”

    “Need ISA, got Communists wan” “How much will you give us for Sime Darby?”

    “Must increase broadband penetration” “No need, everyone got handphone oredi”

  5. #5 by daniel on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 11:00 am

    Then, yesterday, TLDM received its first ever, ever, ever submarine…How much did we pay for it and for how much was the commission, erm management fees?

    Sorry own goal lah, World 7, Malaysia still 0.

  6. #6 by Taxidriver on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 11:11 am

    The extension of Musa Hassan’s IGP post was decided long before his last contract expired. The top UMNOputras know the unhappiness of many other top police officers waiting in-line to take over the IGP’s post from Musa; but they also know it would be disastrous to offend Musa who knows many of their not-yet-exposed criminal activities.

  7. #7 by Taxidriver on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 11:21 am

    Of what use is a submarine to tldm other than to use it to ‘eat wind’ and hunt for mermaids.

  8. #8 by Taxidriver on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 11:40 am

    “We-Have-Erections-Once-Every-Five-Years” – Zainuddin Mydin

    I asked my doctor friend if it is possible for one to have erection only once in every five years. According to him, if you are a normal healthy person and you don’t experience an erection for 8-12 months you can say “goodbye” to sex.

  9. #9 by Jeffrey on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 1:00 pm

    ///A democracy, unlike sex, does not have many positions or level. Either you have it or not. You do not have a doggie style democracy, a reverse cow gal democracy or whatever. Just plain democracy.”///- Art Harun.

    But Art Harun, plain democracy sounds boring!

    /// I asked my doctor friend if it is possible for one to have erection only once in every five years. According to him, if you are a normal healthy person and you don’t experience an erection for 8-12 months you can say “goodbye” to sex./// – Taxidriver on September 5th, 2009

    Not really. One can have oral sex – with all due respect to Bill Clinton who was of the opinion that there was no sex if it did not lead to conception!

    This is where the trouble is, sex like democracy depends on how and who defines it! The more powerful defines the way it suits its expedience.

    Why 99% of world governments including those of communist and theocratic ideologies claim their governments ‘democratic’ since they allow elections, one form or another.

    We too claim we’re democratic – even if here certain groups have privileges whilst others not; certain groups could demonstrate and protest, bringing along a severed cow head to offend religious senstivities and yet be kept harmless for their violation of law and sacrilege – because to prosecute them will cause “unrest” -whilst other groups cannot without facing severe punishment.

    So here too we have a certain type of ‘democracy’ for privileged or majority group and another type of ‘democracy’ for the others and minority groups…

    Whatever the differences there is one common denominator between democracy and sex as each it is (realistically speaking) practised…

    There is always in the name of “democracy” or sex one dominant party or group screwing, and enjoying more whilst there rest being screwed and enjoying less at any moment of time – all in the name of democracy or sex!

    If de Tocqueville said that “in a democracy, the people get the government they deserve” the sad part of it is that majority are the ones who get the government they want and minorities are dominated.

    That is the pain of democracy if it (narrowly) and restrictively defined by its most important feature of consent of the people based on one man one vote – and the aggregate of majority vote.

  10. #10 by Ling Mazen on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 2:10 pm

    Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mookris speaking, moo…oooooooooo>>>

  11. #11 by HJ Angus on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 3:25 pm

    I thought when Syed Hamid was dropped as the Home Minister that law and order would improve but now it looks everything changes BUT everything remains the same for UMNO.
    Let us teach the BN the lesson from Japan…

  12. #12 by PureMalaysian on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 3:36 pm

    Now even our good ol’ pal Khir Toyol has spoken:

    He claimed that the cow is a stupid animal!!

    “The state government did not think… the cow’s head was displayed because it is a ‘stupid’ animal, to show that the state government made a ‘stupid’ decision, and disrupted the peace of Section 23 residents. (It has) nothing to do with religious issues,” he stressed.

    “I don’t know who brought it (the cow’s head)… but for me, there is no sensitivity (involved) or link to the animal being holy for the Indians (Hindus),” he added.”

  13. #13 by Loh on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 3:45 pm

    ///Before I had finished wiping it, I was hit by another nausea inducing curve ball in the form of Datuk Mukhriz Mahathir’s statement supporting Hishamuddin’s.///– Art Harun

    Murkriz mamak wanted to be different from his opponent the son-in-law of a hasbeen, to be the champion of Islam. He must have thought that it would be more Malay to support anybody who went against Indians, to prove that like his father he had 100% Malay blood running, when Keris-man has to admit that a part of his blood is Turkish.

    TDM told a son of the late Tun Ismail that a son of a DPM does not make him one by birth. He should have told his son that he lacks the grey matter. But he would claim that as a father he tends to be bias.

    Hishammuddin has proven that he was more stupid than Khairy, and Murkriz must be doubly stupid to support Keris-man after having the chance to read about analysis why Keris-man acted stupidly. It is alright to make mistake but it is stupid to repeat it. By supporting a stupid action Murkriz shows that he was repeating the same stupid mistake. Perhaps Murkriz had been advised by his racist father that racism pays so long as he beats others to become the worst racist of note.

  14. #14 by Loh on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 3:57 pm

    ///As far as Selangor opposition leader Mohd Khir Toyo is concerned, the controversy surrounding the cow-head protest in Shah Alam last week is just a big misunderstanding over a ‘stupid’ animal.///– malaysiakini

    MCMC must interview Mohd Khir Toyo for saying that the animal that Muslims used for korban is stupid animal, rather than a sacred animal. Hindus do not used cow as sacrifice but they consider it sacred all the same.

    It would be alright for Khir Toyol to claim that he is more intelligent than cows, because he can at least speak, never mind the contents of his utterances. But referring to cow as stupid within the context, he hurts the feelings of Muslims and Hindus alike.

  15. #15 by limkamput on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 5:40 pm

    U turns and flip flopping are not signs of stupidity. It is a well planned strategy. With each turn and each flop, PR become more disorientated and ended up chasing shadows. We shall see. The battle ground has shifted. It is not about issues anymore. It has all to do with strategies now. PR has lots of issues but no strategy. BN has lots of strategies to tackle the issues not in his favour. Monster ball, I don’t expect you to understand what I am saying, so please don’t bother to ask.

  16. #16 by sheriff singh on Saturday, 5 September 2009 - 11:43 pm


    Do cows have horns? Maybe they do have very short ones. But they do have umm “breasts”.

    The “cow’s head” that was displayed had long horns, so it cannot be from a cow, the ones with “breasts”. From a bull most likely. You know, the male ones, the ones with a umm “joystick”. Unless it is a from a castrated one in which case it would be an eunuch one, you know, a steer, much like a “queer”.

    So lets be clear. Was it a cow, bull or steer?

  17. #17 by drngsc on Sunday, 6 September 2009 - 9:09 am

    A bunch of hooligans out desecrating the sacred animal of another religion, causing racial unrest, and openly threatening riot, nothing happens, no one gets arrested. In fact they may get their way. 50 people, taking candles on a peaceful vigil, 16 gets arrested. This is Malaysia. Oh God help us.

  18. #18 by taiking on Monday, 7 September 2009 - 9:31 am

    He was kerismuddin before. But now as the Home guy he has got for himself a new identity. “Lembuddin”. Yeah. So you guys may conclude that he is therefore a keris weilding lembu although it would not be wrong to say that he is the mooing keris owner.

    The lembu incident to my mind is a clear indication of umno’s inability to play the role of opposition. Opposition to them means creating as much mess as possible for the ruling pakatan state governments. After all that was how they saw the acts of the opposition in the country – which was to mess up their schemes all the time. Of course they did not realise that the mess which was inflicted upon their schemes in the great majority of situations was a mere consequence of actions pursued in national or public interest.

    I mean look. Can we let beng hock’s murder be covered up? Can we let the country turn into a hub for yet another international ring of criminal activity? Already, we are well known in the world for drug trafficking, flesh trade trafficking, child trafficking, protected animal trafficking, sale of stolen vehicles, football betting and credit card fraud. Do we need more? Can we let those who are responsible suck the country dry with their unsatiable greed or with unnecessary projects (i.e. questionable economic returns) or needlessly grandiose and hence excessively costly projects?

    The mess umno created in the lembu incident will surely gravitate towards a greater mess in an almost predictable fashion. Indians and hindus will now be unhappy with what that had transpired. They will surely react and will do so not against tan sri khalid but against umno for leading the cow protest. A backfire. That is what it will become. Umno seems to have forgotten that as a party it managed to garner only about 30% of voters’ support in the last GE. Making a mess of things by umno will almost certainly not been accepted or even tolerated by the masses.

You must be logged in to post a comment.