Al Hafar
Malaysiakini
Feb 14, 2014

Before Einstein, everyone thought light travelled in a straight line, but the mad genius came up with the theory that light could actually bend.

Our ever-ingenious Umno has come up with the same reality-bending formula that explodes previous sane assumptions. And their mathematical flair explains why Teresa Kok’s innocuous Chinese New Year video is deemed insulting to the Malays, the royalty and Islam. Indeed it is. One only needs to get a crash course in Umno logic, which is far more mind-bending than anything Einstein ever thought up.

To put it simply for us simple-minded ordinary non-politician folk, Umno is the sole defender of the 3 Rs – Race, royalthy and religion. Therefore, anything that insults Umno, by mathematical equation, equals an insult to the 3 Rs. Sounds complex? Well, get a fake doctorate and study the theory of Umno relativity and you will better understand the logic.

This is why Kok’s video is deemed an insult of the highest order. It pokes fun at Umno, hence it is equivalent to poking fun at Malays and even the royalty. Even when it pokes fun at the Chinese, the targets are Umno-linked Chinese, which means they are poking fun at Umno, which means… get the hang of it?

The formula is convenient and can be applied to a myriad of circumstances. As has been demonstrated, even ridiculing a vegetable, the kangkung, can be scientifically proven to be an insult to Islam by the same theory of Umno relativity.

This is not a joke, sadly, but reality as scientifically proven by recent events and utterances of our mad geniuses in government.

The faster we learn this formula, the better it would be to avoid being charged with sedition and jailed for insulting a vegetable or a horse.

I am shocked that a learned person such as DAP leader Lim Kit Siang could not understand this important theory.

But we shouldn’t blame Kok for making such a video. She is only reflecting what we, the normal unlearned and ignorant citizens do in our every day lives.

Her jokes are nothing but plagiarism from those snipes heard in cofeeshops, markets, gatherings, taxicabs and all kinds of public spaces around the country.

For decades we have been cracking jokes about our leaders. What Kok did was nothing new or original.

But we may have to stop, because now that we have learned the formula, it makes at least 57 percent of the ordinary serfs of Malaysia liable for insulting the 3 Rs even if we dare to crack jokes about the rising price of chicken.

Perhaps they should just ban making jokes outright. That kind of law would be simpler for us simpletons to understand and follow, than the complicated mind-bending theory of Umno relativity.

Perhaps Kok should make amends for her horrific travesty by tabling a new law at the next Parliament sitting to ban humour in Malaysia.