Iskandar Dzulkarnain | May 29, 2014
Free Malaysia Today

In this satirical piece, the writer nails home some home truths in a humourous way.

COMMENT

Dyana SofyaThe antics of Umno Youth who seemed to act like organised thugs in the storming of the Penang State Assembly should not be blamed on Umno and BN for no apparent reason.

Neither should they be blamed for the manifestation of unmitigated gangsterism, racism, hooliganism, foul language, threats, destruction of property, the baying for blood, sexism, fake photographs, rowdiness and mob violence by motorbike gangs plaguing the current Teluk Intan by-election campaign.

Deputy Prime Minister Muhyiddin Yassin has issued a statement that BN does not condone violence or sabotage. Umno is very neutral since it not contesting any seats and therefore have no reason whatsoever to cause any ruckus. More likely the outbreak of violence should be attributed to Independents or sympathetic BN supporters.

Unlike DAP who wants to conquer every seat, Umno is more ‘inclusive’ to allow other coalition parties and even Independents a fighting chance to contest.
Is it a wonder why more and more NGO’s, Independents and other mosquito parties are starting to support BN?

Hitting below the belt

Umno is simply annoyed that DAP is fielding a ‘SYT’ (sweet young thing) to battle against a political giant like Mah Siew Keong.

That is totally unfair as Mah is more than twice her age and twice her political experience.

Remember, Gerakan is considered a ‘Godzilla’ in Malaysian politics compared to DAP which used to be a mosquito party many years back.Mah is the president of the prestigious Gerakan party and has also the experience of losing twice, so voters should give him a third chance to win back a seat.

The Home Minister has pointed out that Dyana’s beauty is only skin deep, and she only looks beautiful in the media and not in real life.

Meanwhile, the Sports and Youth Minister insists that she lacks political experience which Teluk Intan voters should reconsider.

In today’s dog eat dog world, experience is everything and Mah is everything that Dyana is not.

Used as a political tool

Umno leaders seriously believe that she is a traitor to the core who sold her race out. How can she even be seen gallivanting with the enemy DAP, let alone become one of their future leaders?

Where are the true blue blooded Malays going to hide their faces?

As an UITM graduate who benefited from the NEP, she should return the favour to Umno by not contesting, and be used as a tool by DAP to confuse Teluk Intan voters from voting for a great Chinese leader like Mah.

If she really wants to be in politics, she could easily have joined Puteri Umno or Perkasa like her mom, and become a divisional leader instead, and God willing, she may one day lead Wanita Umno by the time she touches 60 years old.

After all, there are no shortcuts when it comes to climbing up the political ladder as even cows have to wait their turn.

But no, she wants to skyrocket herself up the political ladder on the DAP rocket vehicle, throwing caution to the wind and not paying due heed to her race, religion and royalty and her rightful place in the kitchen.

Many Umno leaders are sad, dejected and genuinely disappointed that poor Dyana has been deceived by her political masters to divide the racial unity of Teluk Intan.

They also know that one day DAP is going to dump her like a hot potato, once they have no more use for her.

The Teluk Intan dilemma

Today, Teluk Intan voters especially the Chinese are faced with a great dilemma to either vote in a great experienced Chinese leader or an inexperienced Malay novice with a pretty smile.

How can DAP subject Teluk Intan voters with such great mental torture? Have they no shame?

DAP must also stop accusing an innocent BN or Umno for all the slander levelled against Dyana. She deserves it for her stupidity.

The bikini clad photos of someone who looks like Dyana, found in mosques and in the villages, is definitely not the work of BN or their agents. Because if it is, BN would have unreservedly admitted it!

Even Home Minister Ahmad Zahid Hamidi’s ‘hilarious joke’ to Rela members have been taken out of context by DAP leaders. He had merely called on Rela members to exercise their right to vote, but who they vote for is not relevant.

He also explained that every BN MP’s has a financial allocation, so if BN won, Rela members could expect free uniforms.

That’s why for Teluk Intan voters, a BN win will be very advantageous for the townsfolk.

Is Dyana worth her weight in salt?

Seriously, other than her beauty, what else does Dyana possess? Brains!? But there’s no proof of that! Experience!? Definitely not if compared to great experienced Umno leaders of high calibre like Wanita chief Shahrizat who is an economic wizard. And unlike the gutsy Gerakan candidate Mah, Dyana would not have the marbles to stand up to Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak.

Sadly, many voters in Teluk Intan are now beginning to think that Dyana is a candidate who can make a difference.

They think that she possesses many qualities of a natural leader. Not only is she young and beautiful, she has brains, personality, influence and fiercely independent.

She comes through as trustworthy and many believe that she would be able to bridge the different races together in peace and harmony.

In short Teluk Intan has a new Princess Dyana to call their very own.

Umno leaders however think that Dyana should do the right thing before it’s too late, and inform the EC to drop out of the race.

I am sure EC would give her due consideration since it is not a last minute stunt like the Bukit Gelugor Independent candidate Abu Backer.

Remember, if Gerakan Mah wins, Teluk Intan will become a gem of a town. Rela members will get new uniforms. And there will be no more Mat Rempits revving their motorbike exhausts at ‘SYT’s.’

The town will be cleaner, lesser traffic jams and there will be much development brought on by BN as the town is just a stone throw away from Lumut Port.

However, if DAP wins, Teluk Intan will become a royal town with a fairy tale princess. There will be more men loitering around her constituency office much to the chagrin of their jealous wives.

Tour consultant, sports pilot and naturalist Iskandar Dzulkarnain has been writing a few years now, especially satirical articles like this. He is an FMT columnist.