A tongue-in-cheek piece
by Sheela R

It takes so little to offend these days. Be it a movie, a book, an artwork or even a rock concert, it has become almost fashionable to denounce slightest aberration to our perceived high moral standards.

I for one, am deeply offended by the sight of a particular purple dinosaur, making its appearance on pre-schoolers’ television programmes. Let me elucidate with well-thought-out points, one by one.

It is purple in colour. It is a well-known fact from Stephen Spielberg’s movies that dinosaurs are brown and perhaps yellow, but definitely not purple. (Well he is as good an authority as any other and, being Malaysian, you will surely excuse me for the shoddy and completely unsubstantiated research.) We are misleading pre-schoolers with this erroneous fact and worse, there lies a danger that they may grow up wanting to dress as gender-neutral purple dinosaurs. Do I detect a certain derision in you? Well I am merely following the example set by our well-meaning officials, who choose to ban performing artists on account of their dressing, for fear of corrupting our Malaysian youth with their sartorial tastes.

An offensive theme song sung by the dinosaur at the end of every episode, mentions the word “love”. Being Malaysian, it is my right to presume that the mere mention of this unmentionable word will lead unsuspecting youngsters into the wicked, wicked world of unbridled lust and vice. You might even roll your eyes and exclaim that one should view this supposedly offensive word in the context of the entire song. Well, why should I bother with context, when our ever-vigilant officials don’t? After all, they see it fit to ban music groups because of their purportedly satanic lyrics, never mind that their songs, in the broader sense, are all about world peace, justice and anti-war.

This dinosaur’s rotund belly demeans my religion. How in the world is that possible, you may howl. Never mind how, if I deem it so, then it is. Just look at what gives rise to an insult towards one’s religion these days, from alphabets to canines, porcines, bovines, envelopes, paintings, etc, it would be completely un-Malaysian if I did not find something to infuriate me.

If you are offended by my statements, I, in a true Malaysian fashion, admonish you to leave the country. As for me, I have my eyes set on another. You can accuse me of acquiring a new target to villify, for all I care. Rumours are that there is a giant yellow bird which is infiltrating tender Malaysian minds and making them lose their faith. Now, I am sure this big bird is the product of a Zionist conspiracy, but that is a subject I which I shall reserve for another day.