Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR,
THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world :
At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD,
GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctors clinic, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel, Acapulco :
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY
PASSED ALL THE WATER
SERVED HERE.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR
WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT
AND SEE THE MANAGER.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK,
AND WEEKENDS TOO.
In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE
STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED
COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS
#1 by delon85 on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 7:00 am
Early morning jokes to start the day? Nice :)
#2 by chengho on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 7:19 am
anything from London phone booth?…
#3 by -ec- on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 7:53 am
:)
#4 by drngsc on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 8:33 am
Hi Kit,
This is a respectable blog site, please do no make it a joke column!! We have much else important to talk about.
#5 by waterfrontcoolie on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 8:38 am
Come on!, have a sense of humour!! It’s noice to know that Englishmen do make a joke of themselves.
#6 by limkamput on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 8:46 am
Hang him not, let him go.
Hang him, not let him go.
#7 by yhsiew on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 8:53 am
How about translating all the signs into Bahasa Malaysia – can be equally fun, can’t they?
#8 by c730427 on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 9:13 am
NAJIB IS NAJIS
NOT ALL NAJIB IS NAJIS
NAJIS IS NAJIS
1MALAYSIA 1NAJIS
WHO IS NAJIS?
#9 by HJ Angus on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 9:55 am
we need to take some time off each day for a healthy laugh.
Good therapy.
#10 by tsn on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 10:21 am
At the age of nearly 70, uncle Lim still youthful, forceful and fitful. See this is how Uncle Lim keeps himself fit both physically and mentally. Self-entertaining is the most effective fitness supplement, free of charge. Oop! But it comes only when one has reach certain stage of intellectual level, it doesn’t happen to here and there naturally.
#11 by wanderer on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 10:33 am
In a golf shop, the pro posted a notice,
“Jeff balls are cheap!”
#12 by DAP man on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 10:41 am
What about this which saw at the Shenszhen Windows of the World Park recently.
NOTICE OF WATER SPLASH OPERATION
1. Please insert a one-yuan coin wait the indicatorlamp is lit up. The waterspout is in the ready-to-launched situation
2. When awaroet comes with firing range press the launch button to blowout a waterspout.
3. Only one one-yuan coin is available for each time other aubstitutes are inavliable one lunch for one time to continue the game please reinsert coins.
4. Please take care of the equipment. Thank you for your cooperation.
5. Please charge coins at the ticket pffice if you need.
This is another sign I saw at the park.
“MONORIAL STATION
5 MITERS AHEAD”
And this is saw in a hotel restaurant in Guangzhou
“Hello passenger, please keep your eye with your baggage.”
And this in my hotel front desk at Guangzhou.
“Welcome the guests stayed around the world zong de hotel.”
I took a few pictures of these signs.
#13 by monsterball on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 10:56 am
Yes LKS…nice change of moods,
So funny.
What say you chengho. Anything to complaint?
#14 by cheong on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 10:58 am
Nice one, Uncle Kit, you have a great weekend.
#15 by tsn on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 11:26 am
It is such an easy task to bright up our self-inflicted gloom. Anywhere, anytime we always can cheer up ourself and people around us. Let forget about discrimination, injustice, unfairnes and most of all Perak political deadlock.
#16 by Saint on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 11:37 am
With so many problems around us, a break is nice.
#17 by wongsp on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 11:57 am
More hilarious stuff at
http://www.engrish.com/
and the top spot goes to someone’s house in Sitiawan
http://www.engrish.com/2008/07/i-always-wondered-where-the-grinch-lived/
#18 by distantmalay on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 1:53 pm
chengho, tell us some eunuch jokes.
#19 by Godfather on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 3:41 pm
How about Good from far but far from Good – BN’s current motto.
#20 by limkamput on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 5:16 pm
Godfather, you have to say everything is beautiful from the distance. Monsterball may have problem understanding.
#21 by Sambal_Tempoyak on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 5:40 pm
Ape Kabo Mister Lim,
I didn’t know you are very funny…
This is the first time i saw politician comedy side..
Ha Ha Ha…
Cheers.
#22 by ctc537 on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 8:40 pm
This is a “BEST JOKE” award winner in UK
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese”.
“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
I n return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says “You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replies “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”
#23 by seanyenglish on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 10:37 pm
European English
If you are fed up with communicating in English, a solution is on the way! European English!!!
This should make communication so much easier!!!
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English.”
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”.
This will make words like fotograf 20 persent shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united Urop vil fanali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil a be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
#24 by TomThumb on Saturday, 16 May 2009 - 11:06 pm
limkamput Says:
Today at 08: 46.32 (14 hours ago)
“Hang him not, let him go.
Hang him, not let him go”
apa lu cakap. lu lulok diam diam. jangan banyeak bising, apek.
#25 by ChinNA on Sunday, 17 May 2009 - 6:43 am
chengho, tell us some eunuch jokes. – distantmalay
Do we still have eunuchs today? By the way, why is that chengho is expected to know eunuch jokes?
#26 by limkamput on Sunday, 17 May 2009 - 8:35 am
TomThumb,
How can i expect a half baked fellow who had gone through a half baked education system to understand what others are saying. Write me one proper sentence in BM, half baked. Saya sudah pasti setengah masak ini tidak dapat berbuat demikian. Kamu kadut.
#27 by k1980 on Sunday, 17 May 2009 - 9:12 am
A parable from rom Susan Loone’s blog
An old kampung imam had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy
should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects.
1. The Holy Quran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.
“I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old imam said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up. If it’s the holy book, he’s going to be an imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!”
“If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he’s going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.”
“But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be.”
“And if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine’s centerfold.
“God have mercy,” the old imam disgustedly whispered. “He’s going to be an Umno Politician!!”
#28 by kerishamuddinitis on Sunday, 17 May 2009 - 11:38 am
signs of the time:
PLEASE DEPOSIT 500MIL. CONTRACT WILL BE EXPRESSED.
TO EXPIRE WOMAN, PLEASE USE C4
WHEN SPEAKER SPEAKING, PLEASE REMOVE ASSEMBLY
WHEN ASSEMBLY COMPLETED, PLEASE REMOVE SPEAKER
THESE SULTANAS HAVE BEEN CAREFULLY SELECTED, DRIED AND PROCESSED. IF NOT HAPPY, PLEASE SPIT THEM OUT
#29 by ekin on Monday, 18 May 2009 - 2:44 am
Sorry YB,
I’m suppose to blog the jokes to the “English can be fun” page…